The Seething Pot of Wonderfulness that is late late late night TV...

Thought question: What do you do at 3am when you're bored out of your mind and can't sleep?

Thought answer: Watch late night TV of course!

Here's the thing tho... The reason all those shows are given the "prime" spot between 230am and 430am is because nobody but insomniacs who have no other choice (ME) and drunk people waiting to pass out (also sometimes ME) is awake at that time. Let's look at our (my) meager selection shall we?

1) Evangelical Bible stuff:

I can only stand to watch about 35 to 45 seconds of this stuff on my way to other channels. Now don't get me wrong, I am as religious if not more so than most people. I actually go to church every Sunday (unless Im really sick in which case I still go, only someone has to carry my sick ass over) but I just can't place too much validity on TV Evangelists who devote 90% of their time thumping disabled people on the head, knocking them down, and then helping them back up all the while having them proclaim "oh lordy I can walk! I can WALK!". It just seems so Hollywood to me. Not to mention the fact that every other sentence they say is punctuated with a "oh Jesus!" Relax Mr. TV Evangelist dude...I don't think you have to yell His name that loudly...I'm pretty sure He hears you!

2)Infomercials (see also #5):

Probably because it's been proven that when people are sleepy they make even dumber decisions than when they are drunk. And we've already established that only sleepy people and drunkards are actually awake to see this crap so it's a win-win situation for them! Case in point, in 10 minutes and after scrolling thru 50 channels, I found these wonderfull products that you just can't live without! Cat Genie (which automatically scoops up cat poo)...Automatic Plant Waterer (for when you have no friends to water your plants for you while on vacation)...Miracle Makeup (to cover those wrinkles and varicose veins in your legs)...Ped Egg (to scrape away all those nasty corns and bunions on your tootsies)...and the list goes on and on and on!

3)People (fat people...see that South Park episode with Sally Struthers for reference) asking for just .40 cents a day to feed children:

Now here's the thing...why would you air something like this at bumfuck a.m. when no one can see it? Why not show them starving little children with huge teary eyes at dinner time when people are settling down with their meat and potato laden plates to watch TV. It's called GUILT and it works!

4)Exercise equipment and videos. and more exercise equipment and videos:

Gone is the days of Richard Simmons sweating with the oldies. Now all you see are 60 year old grandmas with abs you can grate cheese on. And "personal triumph stories" of people who lost a gajillion amount of weight in 30 seconds or less. And of course you too can be on your way to a flatter tummy and leaner thighs if only you'll spend half your monthly pay check and purchase whatever machine or video they are selling. This stuff is so effective that all you have to do is shell out the cash! You don't even have to watch it or anything, and never mind actually getting up early to work out because HECK you're awake to see this commercial and there aint no way you'll haul your lazy butt out of bed in 2 hours to run!

5)Enzyte/Viagra type commercials:

Apparently when I said only tired people and drunks are up this late, I neglected to mention that a goodly percentage of the said tired people and drunks are also in need of penile enlargement products. Hmmm...I was gonna add some witty comment here but sadly I find myself "lacking" in social commentary about a topic I have a real "shortcoming" in. I suppose instead of blogging it out, I should "bust my balls" and "head" on out to Google to study up on it.

250am...maybe if I hurry I'll catch that Ped Egg commercial!

JUMP start....

See you all on the other side to a fitter, tighter, more toned me in just (180) minutes a day! Gone are the saggy butts, flabby tummy, and unflatteringly non-chiseled jaw chub.

I am pumped! I am stoked!! I am PSYCHED!!!

I am embarking on a 7 week regiment of healthy eating and working out. I am only 10 pounds and 2 dress sizes away from my goal. I WILL run 3 miles a day with no complaint! (Run wussy run!!!! There is no walking here!!!! ) I will push-up, sit-up, and power pilates my way to a better me! I WILL reach my goal weight by the time the 7 weeks are done because I have the potential and the willpower to see it thru. I am getting a jump start on what is probably the most common and yet least realized New Years Resolution. I am going on overdrive people!!! And nothing will stand in my way!

Yep yep...I am on the verge of a new healthier lifestyle that will start IMMEDIATELY!!!

...

Right after this cookie...

...

And maybe this one too...

Quick Update and Haphazard Thoughts...

-I ran today, well more like I speed walked...just a couple miles, but since the last time I ran (oh, about 6 days ago) I've been ultra cautious. I barely even broke 3 miles that day and I woke up with a swollen knee again the next morning. Baby steps E...Baby steps. So far so good...

-Saw Wanted with Jay. He was in town for work and personal stuff. If any of you liked The Matrix or The Bourne Trilogies, then I strongly suggest going to see this movie. It's the wicked story line of Bourne coupled with Matrix worthy special effects...especially one scene about 15 minutes into the movie involving a red sports car and an interesting way to enter it *shivers* whew!!! Im still geeking-out about it! :P Got a little tanning in, a little exercise, sun and fun with friends...all in all a good way to spend the day.

-May not be able to go to Vancouver for a friend's bachelorette this month. Despite my usual tenacity in preplanning stuff and being organized, I neglected to check on my passport till a couple nights ago. Aparently it expired on my birthday. More bad luck = not being a US citizen so I have to send my stuff to San Francisco and the Philippine Embassy there along with a hefty $200 fee and a 2-4 week wait time. I checked to see if I could use just my permanent resident card and although that is proof enough to get back INTO the US from Canada, the Canadian Embassy "strongly suggests" I have a valid passport as well in order to enter it. I would just cross my fingers and head off to our northern neighbors with a green card and prayers but I'm too much of a wussy to risk being stuck at the border. I guess it's all a waiting game now.

-More fun coming this 4th of July weekend. Being out on the water...hopefully getting a little bit more of a tan to counteract my pasty-ness (for a filipina chick I've always been unusually pale). Last year we spent the independence day in the Philippines on vacation so needless to say there wasn't very much celebrating going on. Ok...there was NO celebrating going on. As far as people over there were concerned it was just another Tuesday. The American cousins and I were wishing each other a Happy 4th while our Filipino cousins were left to ponder whether they missed someone's birthday or anniversary. Fun stuff ;) Though to be honest with you if I had a choice Id rather spend my 4th back on Boracay beach, snorkeling with the fishes.

~Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time~ -- John Lubbock

Gingerly...with baby steps...

I finally was able to exercise today. No, I didn't run...even I'm not stupid enough to run on a bad and still healing knee, but I did WALK at a tame 3mph for an hour and got some yoga in which helped stretch out the knee. Good stuff both for my body and for my mood. LOL...poor coworkers, I can tell that they are all about ready to throw me out cuz Ive been so cra-zanky for so long.

The only other thing I wanted to put down here is: for all of you who watched that episode of Bizarre foods in the Philippines...

NO, not EVERYONE eats that stuff...I personally have never eaten bugs or frogs or tree worms. Nor do I eat Balut for that matter.

Just wanted to let you know.

It's just one of those days...

*sigh*

I'm not a graceful person...far from it in fact. I generally consider myself adorably accident prone. It is in that mood that I tell you this next story...

About a week and a half ago, I was doing my normal running on the treadmill routine when in the quest of multitasking (involving a laptop, couch pillows, a dining room chair and a faulty mp3 player), I very ungracefully fell off the treadmill. No, it wasn't an America's Home Videos worthy shoot off the end of the treadmill at 6 miles per hour thing. Rather my left leg collapsed under me, I fell on my hip, then slowly travelled to the edge of the belt at 3.5mph where I fell off with a soft thud. So my knee felt kinda wonky for days after but oh well...I was feeling bloated and fat and eating like a pig because I was PMS-y and I was not about to let one teeny incident stop me from running. No big deal right?

So Wrong!

This morning I woke up and my knee was swollen and I couldn't put much weight on it nor could I straighten it out. I had overextended it. And I had a full 10 hour work day ahead of me. Great! :( Thankfully my coworkers were sympathetic and after letting them ooh and ahh and gag over the sight of my pink swollen knee, they let me just sit down on a chair for most of the day.

Finally the day was over and I was looking forward to going home, take a long hot shower, eat a couple Krispy Kreme donuts and ample prescription strength pain killers, fulfill my daily blood and gore and other bodily fluids needs with an episode of Dexter and an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8, maybe talk on the phone and pass out.

Wrong again!

My car wouldn't start, so I called my mom to come give me a jump...after she got there and lectured me on not letting my battery die...and as we both turned to leave...her car wouldn't start. So I shut off my engine and we called my dad over with the van to come rescue us. Once he got there, neither of the cars would start. So my mom and I waited inside our respective cars while he fiddled around with jumper cables and flashlights and lots of colorful filipino swear words. After taking turns revving our engines and attaching and detaching cables and more filipino swear words, I felt myself tear up at all the frustrations and ridiculousness of my day and I said "holy crap, please Lord...I just wanna go home!"

I kid you not, the beautiful sounds of engines starting filled the air as both the cars came to life! Divine intervention?? or God's pity on a poor little girl?? You decide.

Now I sit and type on fluffy...regaling you with the events of my day...As the sound of hot steamy water beckons me and the whirring of my Dexter DVD buzzes at me from my TV I leave you with this thought...Pain killers here I come!