Sunday, November 16, 2008

My Deepest Darkest Desire...

...to be the first female NFL head coach.

I'm not kidding!

Of course that is suspending all reality and only in the event that I actually learn how to pick teams by a better basis than how cute the quarterback is and how pretty the colors are in the uniforms. And also to learn the ins and outs of football without having to wikipedia everything. In my defense tho, I probably know more about the history of football and the rules and definitions of terms than anyone...never mind about the actual game playing...I'm still learning dammit!

And keep in mind that I'm only about 5'2 on tippy toes and I didn't break the 100lb mark till I was 18 (it's not important how many times and by how many pounds I've actually surpassed that mark since then). My point is: football needs a breath of fresh air. Namely ME! I mean imagine what kind of hilarity would ensue when the panning camera of ESPN or FSN or the NFL Network sees me clutching that all important play book, making funny hand signals to the QB, arguing with the officials about that dumbass call they made, dangling a foot and a half off the ground from the helmet grill of a linebacker as I bark out orders and give him tough love...

...hmmm...

Tough Love...sounds like the title of a sitcom based on the life and times of E (the winningest female NFL coach in all of football-dom!)...

I can picture it now. The sweet and loving but gruff and knowledgeable head coach. Ala Danny Devito in that Army movie a long ass time ago. Baking cookies for her players while at the same time yelling genious plays from the sidelines and screaming obscenities at the referees. Sprinkle in some gratuitous PMS jokes and by golly we've got ourselves a hit!

No not shit...hi-..you know what? Never mind.

5 comments:

Renars said...

So into football!! =)

words words words said...

I have one bit of advice. Please always go for it on 4th and 1 in your opponent's territory. Thank you.

..:: C ::.. said...

I say you start with little kids and work your way up. Volunteering as a coach is always an awesome opportunity.. :)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Giiirl.. I didn't know what I was missing. You are a girl amongst girls. I should have been a guy cuz I love sports way so much. Right on! You a New York fan? Cuz that could be the deal breaker for you and me.. kidding.
Words gave you some good advice, although I might add on 1st and goal, be ready for the quarterback sneak.

~E said...

--C: I would except I don't think they'll let me coach impressionable little kids. I cuss way too much and am a sore looser.

--Candy: Seeing the Bills game tonight reminds me of another tip. The game isnt over till its over. Blech :(