Sunday, December 21, 2008

T'was the night before X-Mas...

Twas the night before X-Mas, when all through the house.
All the vermin were stirring, especially the mouse.
The beer cans were stacked by the front door with care,
In fear that the cops soon would be there.

The frat boys were nestled all drunk in the beds,
While visions of pole dancers danced in their heads.
And mamma in her do-rag, and I in my cap,
Had just fizzled our brains with a pull from the tap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I tripped as I dashed,
Tore open the tinfoil and threw up the sash.

The flashing red lights on the snow was aglow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a tank of a cop car, and the SWAT team in gear.

With a scary leader, so livid and thick,
I knew in a moment this guy was a prick.
More rapid than eagles his officers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Crusher! now, Turbo! now, Gemini and Nitro!
On, Titan! On, Thunder! on Viper and Bronco!
Shoot the teargas inside o'er top of the wall!
Now blast away! blow away! Blast away all!"

As crack heads that run to get their next high,
The police people hastened,to mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the officers flew,
With a pack full of ammo, and the damn leader too.

And then, in a fear struck moment, I heard on the roof
The footfalls and bootsteps of each little hoof.
As I drew in my stash, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the leader rappelled with a bound.

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A couple of M4s he had flung on his back,
And he looked like the Terminator, ready to attack.

His eyes-how they blazed! his scowl oh so scary!
His cheeks were like granite, his nose twisted, bent and un-merry!
His menacing mouth was drawn down like a bow,
And the beard on his chin, a five o'clock shadow.

The pin of a grenade he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke from the teargas 'round his head like a wreath.
His chilling face and a 6-pack tight ab,
Never shook when he cackled, like a stone slab!

He was rigid and fierce, and tall as a giant,
And I cried when I saw him, my bowels unreliant!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had all things to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And grabbed me and crushed me, and turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney we rose!

He ran to the tank, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere we drove from the light,
"Now you're mine little boy, without even a fight"


That damn expat said...

Is this amazing piece titled Laketown blues? If it's not it should be!

~E said...

AWWW poor Expat! Geez, I feel so bad for you now! LOL...

You may call it whatever you please!

That damn expat said...

I'll just call it amazing. You've got mad skills!

Matt said...

My favorite part was the pole dancers part...

SouthernBelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SouthernBelle said...

Um, genius.

I am in awe of your awesomeness.

Sabrae Carter said...

Loved loved loved it! funny stuff!

Digital Fortress said...

Good stuff.