Letters to Inanimate Social Constructs [Valentine's Day Edition]

Dear Valentines Day,

Hey...Remember me? Nah, you probably don't. The last time I gladly celebrated you was...geez, about 20 years ago! Long time, no see! And no, I don't count 2006 because the poor guy wasn't warned and shame on you for sucking him in with all your pink and red heart-shaped nonsense!

Oh, lovely Valentines Day...I know it's not your intention to make me feel like crap every year. I know this. And I know it's not your fault that you started out a celebration for a number of saints who had nothing to do with love but then ended up being the greeting card holiday you are now. I know it was never your dream to become a marketing tool for retailers to sell unsuspecting people all sorts of useless trinkets and baubles, and flowers (that die) and candy (that make you fat).


I know that millions of people worldwide celebrate you fondly and that you mark a day full of love for couples all over. I don't begrudge them that. Really I don't! In fact if you were the one day in the year where guys think to give their women lovely gifts, and where women bestow their love upon their men...then heck! More power to you!


Some people call you "Singles Awareness Day" but it's not because I'm single that I refuse to bow down to your charms...this is the first time since I was 18 where I didn't have a Valentine to call my own. Well, you were there! You would know! It's not even because I believe that there shouldn't be just a single day when love between couples should be honored. Some people need a reminder not to take their lovers forgranted and this serves as a great one every year. No...it's not any of those reasons Valentine, as you are well aware I've got my own.


I know all this my sweet, sweet Valentine's Day, but yet, I can't help but hate you. Hate you with as much intensity as my tiny beating heart can muster. I know that every year I usually pretend you don't exist. As much as you can pretend an elephant in the room doesn't exist. But this year my dear Valentine! This year is different. This year I will be saved from the dread and guilt of having to tell my significant other not to get me flowers or cards or pretend to give me an early President's Day gift. I am saved from having to see their dejected and beaten looks of sadness and surprise when I ask them to please not wish me a Happy Valentines Day. For that reason alone, this year I will acknowledge that you are upon us. Even give you your own little shout out on this humble little blog.


This year I will gladly and without anxiety watch you approach and even more gladly and enthusiastically wave you goodbye.


When the day comes to an end dear lovely Valentine's Day, I will bid you a warm farewell and see you next year. And, Valentine??? Please don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!