Sunday, June 15, 2008

Why Aspire?

~You have powers you never dreamed off. You can do things you never thought you could do. there are no limitations in what you can do except the ones in your own mind. --Darwin P. Kingsley~

My cousin Mike left me a comment on MySpace in response to a question I asked him about him selling his motorcycle. He said: ur really serious about riding.. what's the story?

I told him it was because Im sick and tired of being in the b**ch seat (passenger seat for those of you not up to the lingo)...which is true enough I suppose. But if I really think about it, these last 6 months or so, I've been on somewhat of a soul search. I just feel like my life is stuck in a standstill and not necessarily through any fault of my own. Have you ever felt sometimes that you just aren't "good enough" in any aspect of your life and that you have to change in order to impress someone? Yeah, that is me right now and since the beginning of the year. The hardest part of feeling that way however, is not that I'm trying to impress anyone else. The hardest part is that I'm trying to impress myself.

I think I'm on my way...I work out, I try to be a bastion of goodness for my church community, I have been a pretty good daughter and friend thus far, and Im pretty satisfied with my emotional and mental state. But somehow part of my soul still wants more. I need to change. And in that quest for change my efforts have been targeted towards changing the first impression I put out and my hobbies. Case in point: I curled my hair (which I am now sick off and will be straightening again as soon as I get time), Ive tried fishing and will be trying to go camping, I went to my first Mariners game, tried new foods, listened to new music, planned trips and events Ive wanted to do but never have, and etc etc get the picture.

I guess what it all comes down to is this: at some point or another, we all aspire to be something we are not. It's not a bad fact in some cases it could be good to try new things and see if you end up doing something you really like. To step out of your comfort zone and grow as a person. But in my case I'm guessing I'm in the middle. Between stepping out of my comfort zone and not liking who Im turning out to be. It's an interesting place to be, to really look inside yourself and realize what aspects of yourself you really really like, and to uncover insecurities you never thought you had. And apparently I have some pretty wicked insecurities...*shrug* Something to contemplate I guess.

In the meantime, I have been looking into getting a work/travel visa and going somewhere for a year. Ive found opportunities to work in Australia, Korea, and parts of Europe. Wish me luck.

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