~from the mouth of my dearest friend Mr. Anderson [I presume]:
"Cuz I got game like that! I can pick up a sober person!"
~from the mouth of my dearest friend Josh (and don't you all be emailing me your politics!!! I don't care and won't read it):
"I'd rather crawl thru broken glass from here to Canada than placing my life in Sarah Palin's hands in the eventuality that McCain bites it! I mean, he's like...really...old!"
~from the mouth of some random person at work as she replies to my comment about how I hate being as short and small as I am:
"Short is such a dirty depressing word! You're just space efficient dear...very space efficient"
~from the mouth of Mitch Hedberg, may he rest in peace:
"My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?"
~overheard from the check out lane at a RadioShack:
"you know what, on second thought just give me all the 14 gauge butt connectors you have. In my line of work you really can't have too many!"
~overheard from the check out lane at a Safeway:
"Mommy! I found leftover penis on the floor!"