Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Insecurity's Best Friend

A friend of mine wanted me to go with her to a plastic surgeon to see about getting a boob job and maybe some lip injections and "whatever else they think need to be done". She is only 25... and to tell you the truth, she always seemed so confident and secure in herself. For her to even consider getting work done came to me as such a shock that I wanted to blog about it.

Some of you have mentioned that if she wants to get plastic surgery, then no amount of talking to her or showing her pictures will get her to change her mind. You also said "when she finishes with the boob job and whatever else she wants to get done and everything is fixed, but nothing has changed for the better in her personal life then that would be bad". I agree to a certain point that her insecurities may go deeper than any such blog would help, but at the same time I have to at least give it a shot. I don't want to go all out "intervention" because I don't know if that is what she needs.

So I sent her to this website: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/ that shows botched and/or uneeded plastic surgery by celebrities. I wanted to show her that even "beautiful people" have insecurites too. Pretty comes with a price and while it is a worthwhile goal to want to make yourself a better person, one must ask to which point will you draw the line. To what lengths are you willing to go to achieve your goal?

Two of the most beautiful women I know...my grandmother and my mother...

I think part of it has to do with how she was raised. She wasn't ever really close to her mother and maybe that constant need to please that stemmed from childhood is what is making her want to change herself now. I have considered referring her to my therapist but I'm afraid that will just backfire on our friendship.

Everyone...EVERYONE...has something about themselves that they want to change. Something they wish were smaller, bigger, higher, tighter, brighter, taller, shorter...whatever. The key to accepting yourself as how you come is just that. Acceptance of yourself.

And you know what else? With everything comes a price. There have been so many cases of people who you think have everything, money, fame, looks whatever but even all that can't make them happy.

Hollywood and the media in general covers up so much and makes you think you need to look a certain way...that there is only one definition of beautiful and handsome. I think I have gorgeous gorgeous friends...actual normal people that I know. Sprinkled all over this post are pictures of my friends, both in the blogger world (thank you for all the pics you sent me) and in the real world.

Back to my friend...her picture is included in this post at least once...maybe twice or more. But I ask you honestly. Was there anybody you saw you think needed any help? Sometimes what we all forget is that we are our biggest critics. We see flaws that others may not. We strive to correct things that are only present in our own eyes. I am guilty of this as much as anyone. I try to cover things with makeup...workout, diet, to get rid of those last few extra pounds that no one seems to see but me. But for what? Not one of my friends or family (at least the ones that count) will like me any more or less should I gain or lose a few pounds.

You know what truly makes someone pretty or handsome? It's confidence in yourself...being happy with who you are...and of course a heartfelt smile!
In the end nobody can tell you to do anything you don't want to do, or not to do anything you want to do. You need to be happy with yourself.

"And this above all else...to thine own self be true"

Now for you blogger friends, what do you think I should do?


Dr Zibbs said...

I agree. I think the only women that should get boob jobs are women that are huge (for reduction) or women in their 40's that might be saggy. To have something done that early is crazy.

And my the way, is that you mom in the boots or you? Hot!

sid said...

Hmmm. I know what it's like not liking yourself, looking in the mirror and thinking that you're not good enough. I no longer think like that and it's not because my appearance that has changed. I think it was more a change of mindset. I started doing things I've always dreamed of doing, facing my fears and realising that I many not be perfect but I do have some kick ass legs. Wish I could tell you what do about your friend.

That damn expat said...

Great post!
And I'm patting myself on the back for recognizing not one, not two, but three people!

I don't know which one of these is your friend, or if she will read these comments but I have not seen one ugly person here.

You are a good friend for trying to help. I hope it works!

Felisa said...

I had major self-esteem issues when I was younger so I know what that's like. Being confident and happy with yourself is not something you become but something you choose to be. I've taken err... rather SEVERE measures to turn myself into what I thought was more attractive. In other words, I had (okay, fine, HAVE since I'm going through a slip up. And I actually hate sharing this about myself but it makes my point clearer) an eating disorder. I'm happier with myself when I'm not going through a slip up. Even though I lose weight when I do have bulimia, I just feel like shit because I feel like even though I have better control of my body, I have no control of my self-esteem and that's a worse feeling. When I have my "epiphanies" and realize that I am imperfect but am beautiful, none of the small pleasures looking good because of my bulimia give me can match that. I hope your friend will realize that too. ALL of the people in the pictures were perfect and needed no work done at all.

~E said...

Zibbs: That would be me in the boots...Thanks :) Besides if it was my mom, that would be slightly disturbing.

Sid: I think we all do...the difference being most of us resign ourselves to liking ourselves (if that makes any difference) besides, she is gorgeous enough to begin with. I just wish I can show her that.

Expat: Me too. And...you know what's weird? My friend looks a helluva lot like ONE of the three people you recognized...a HELLUVA LOT!

~E said...

Felisa: I've seen your pictures and you have absolutely nothing to be insecure about. I'm sorry you are going thru a "slip up" and I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to share. When I go thru my "slip-ups" it's not necessarily with an eating disorder. More so I work out till I pass out which is not that much better. I'm just now starting to gain weight again after my last bout (I went from 148 to 120 in less than 3 months...I weigh a little less than 120 now but Im much healthier).

Sabrae said...

I wish I could lop my boobs OFF! Not get them done! lol the only boob job I would get is a reduction! My sister had 6lbs taken off each boob when she had hers done a few years ago...man!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

It’s all psychological. Nothing can be solved under a plastic surgeon’s knife. I don’t know if there’s much you CAN do. How much influence can you have over her decisions? How much do you want?

Gwen said...

Having undergone an augmentation when I was 29 I can't say she shouldn't do it w/o being a major hypocrite, but from what you say here it seems she's trying to fix things that surgery won't fix.

I've never regretted having it done but I did it because I was terribly small chested - shot in the back with a bb gun is an apt metaphor - and I wanted clothes to fit me.

words words words said...

I agree with Banishment. You can't always prevent people from making a terrible mistake. If I were you I'd state my opinion and then leave it alone.

Trooper Thorn said...

Unfortunately you can't make your friend do or not do anything, but you can support them. Hopefully this is a temporary manifestation of something else in their life.

Thanks for your comments on my blog. I don't know if there is a country you can go to to get away from Paris Hilton. She'll track you down.

That damn expat said...


I gave you an award. Go pick it up!

Chris said...

I had a young co-worker go through this on 12/1. Even worse in her case, she is going through a divorce and charged the $17,000 to her credit for a tummy tuck and boob job. Her husband is seeing another woman.

My wife and I tried to talk her into at least waiting 6 months to let her head clear but she didn't. She is a very attractive girl with a great figure, so your post was spot on.