Sunday, August 31, 2008

A Critical Error in Judgement...

~There are no mistakes, the events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn. Whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go~ --Richard Bach

I have made a critical error in my judgement of someone and in my trust in myself. I was so eager to find someone I'm compatible with that my normally strong holds on my...well, let's say "heart" for lack of a better term...were way too relaxed. Maybe I let the unusually strong mental connection get the better of me this time around. Wouldn't that be a refreshing change for once? To be smitten with someone because they were a great conversationalist way before I even saw them and realized they were *gasp* good looking too? I assumed one of three things were happening. Turns out I was right.

To be fair there was never any false pretenses on his part. His initial impression to me and everything he told me about himself and what he wanted was true and held true from the time I met him till today. He was charming, and sweet. Handsome and smart. It was I who changed. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship, but I was the one who fell enamored. I wasn't used to a guy treating me well and being honest with me. Completely and utterly honest with me. I saw more than was there, put more worth on what I thought I saw. It's all my fault and I'm the only one to blame. I did scare him off probably. And just as well now than later.

I AM grateful to him however. For finally breaking me off the bonds that have held me to one person for so long. For once in more than a year, I thought of someone else everyday. Saw someone else in my dreams. Dared to let my heart heal like it has been trying to for so long. For that I will always appreciate the impact he made on my life regardless of how short it may have been or how strongly I let it affect me. Moving the person from "maybe/definitely" to "acquaintance"...the event to "lesson learned". Locking the padlocks around the wounded heart once again. Men beware...Jaded!

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