Sunday, October 5, 2008

From the Heart...

I have this friend who called me late a few nights ago because he was very upset. Let's face it, who else is awake at 0230 right? Anyway, we talked and I listened and gave great advice like I always do.

I won't bore you with the details but I got to thinking about how I really should start following my own advice. I've been trying to detach myself from someone because I was uncomfortable with the thought that this person is seeing/sleeping with/dating/lunching other girls and I figured instead of trying to pretend to be all cool with it and pretending that we were back to being "just friends" again that I'd just avoid him all together. I didn't want to be the girl who can't take a hint and can't leave him alone. It made sense at the time but it sounds stupid now on paper. I got really...upset...and weirded out when I heard about his current girl-friend. Hard as I tried to ignore it and be mature, I got super SUPER jealous and insecure, I won't lie.

Then I realized, you know what? I've been dating too and if he was ok with it, why shouldn't I be? It's not that he was ok with me dating because he meant more to me than I did to him...there's no way for me to know that. But what I do know is people handle situations differently. He needs to have connections just as much as the next person, and he wants to be happy as much as I do. Exactly what accomplishes that goal, however is different for each of us. And I wanted...want...him to be happy. I figured if I stopped tiptoeing around the issue and accept it then I'd be much more content...and I am! Besides I'm still damn glad "He and I" happened despite how it ended.

I guess I just had to resign myself and accept that it's human nature to want things we either can't have or want things back that we once had. You know what I mean? I wanted what we used to be but once I told myself even if we got back together that it wouldn't be the same then I guess I became ok with the situation as it stands. And there's no going back to being friends like we used to be before "we" happened. We just need to find a new category that we both fit into with each other and that will take time. I don't mind, I've got time I'm willing to invest :) All I can do is support him as much as I can and wish him luck that whoever he is with (or will be with) will be better for him than I was, and to let him know how much I still love and miss him always.

I want what is best for the both of us, whether it be each other or someone else or no one else at the moment.

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