Tuesday, November 18, 2008

How many Vicodin does it take to render yourself unconcious?

..I have 6...wonder if that's enough?

Just found out that an ex's new girlfriend is an f*ing cheerleader for the f*ing Oakland f*ing Raiders. Straight from the horses mouth. He called to see if I was doing ok and I told him I was fine...that a coworker sent me home with a couple dvd's of past Superbowls and I was being lazy... Then he said "that's great...you know [girl's name] is really into football too...but more because of her job I think". I should know a setup when I hear it, but to my defense I was high off of pain killers and wasn't my quick self so I said "what job is that?".

"oh, she's a Raiderette". It's not an off broadway version of the Rockettes...I looked it up. Blah! :(

Great! Yet another reason why I should scorn and loathe him. And my first reason (first in a long line I'm sure) to not root for the Raiders. Here's the second...great big sweaty monkey balls!

Because I'm obsessive like that I looked her up and let's just say she looks a lot like me. Except taller, skinnier, prettier, and she even comes with attachments (ie. manufactured parts). Just call me Cheerleader Lite! Half the makeup and apparently a lot less filling.

You know what? I'd still rather be an NFL coach than a stupid cheerleader. No offense to my cheerleader readers. Cheerleaders are ok as far as people go. Unless you're THE cheerleader...in which case *&%^)#%#^ you!!!.

I sure picked a great time to try to quit cussing...

Now if you'll excuse me while my tough, 'nad kicking, smartass inner self pounds my jealous, girly, insecure inner self into a big bloody paste!


When I'm stressed, I cook. YES, that's right...I watch football, I'm funny, AND I cook! Take that damn Raiderette!

Go here for pics and recipes of tonight's home cooked awesome as f**k dinner.


..:: C ::.. said...

I told you, 98% of all NFL cheerleaders are just stuck up bitches (I'm not giving up cussing). Plus she cheers for the Raiders. Given all info posted she's a bad day away from stripping for gang bangers or other 'entertaining' things for money while they sip on their Old E 40's. I wouldn't sweat it.

Felisa said...

YECH. He is a horrible person. He totally wanted you to ask that question just so he could say that.
Anywaysssss All I can say is: Silicone parts are made for toys! *whip* LOL

~E said...

--C: I don't sweat it. Not gonna sweat it. But can I hate her? Just a little bit?

--F: I know right??? Grrr... And I'm not saying she has manufactured parts...but it looked like she did. And that's enough for me.

words words words said...

You don't want him back, right? Then just rejoice that they both got their just desserts in each other :)

~E said...

Ok WWW...this is how I know I need to get to sleep ASAP.

What you said just sounded really porny :( LOL

NMOS said...

Gotta agree with Mr. C. She cheers for the Raiders! Enough said. That's reason enough to hate her and the ex (coming from a San Diego Charger fan....AFC West rival).

By the way...you got her beat, hands down! ;)

sid said...

She a professional cheerleader? Bugger! Feel your pain. You know what I do is situations like this? Imagine the new girl being knocked over by a bus ...

Eina said...

Ew, that's such a low thing to do.

AND OMG.... same exact name! How do you say your name? D: Mine is said as "eye-nah" lol.

~E said...

--NMOS: you would say that! but thanks.

--Sid: I'd rather imagine her on the sidelines...then being tackled (accidentally) by a 300 pound OT from the opposing team...while protecting the WR or RB as he scores the winning touchdown.

--Eina: <-- damn that's so so weird. But my name is pronounce A-nah. Like the letter A. ;)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Here’s the good news: the Raiders SUCK. They are an embarrassment to the NFL. There's not much to cheer about there.

pistols at dawn said...

I'll agree with the others: the Raiders are so bad, they lost their bye week.

Plus, girls who are self-conscious enough to get fake boobies are terribly awkward and inhibited in bed, and that's never worth being jealous about.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

really, who cares about her and her fake boobs. He's obviously more interested in how YOU are. If he was really into her he wouldn't have even mentioned her cuz he wouldn't have wanted to hurt you.
He's playin it all cool and we are so on to his transparent facade. A Raiderette? Puhleeze.

~E said...

--Pistols: You're so right. Besides, all that jumping around has probably jiggled a few things lose in ye old noggin.

--Candy: you are my new girl crush! Puhleeze indeed!