Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Ultimate cure for Man-jadedness

Well, since only three of my wanted 6 guest bloggers agreed to guest blog (and I'm still waiting on their masterpieces to start flooding my email), I am forced to recycle some of my old crap...I mean "genious posts" for you all to read. See what happens when you say no to me??? Everybody loses! For SHAME!!

Anyway, this was written during my man-jaded-but-severely-in-denial-and-so-freakin-lonely phase. Also, it was around the time when hottie ex EAGLE decided to rear his ugly head and send me a hello from very far away. Incidentally, it was also around the time when equally hott ex BLT was being an asswipe, and not the soft kind. The scratchy kind that leaves lint all up in your butt areas. Go figure....


I was discussing the repurcussions and ramifications of replying back to EAGLE with my therapist. Yes, I see a therapist. Or rather I talk to one. She's my friend and still in the midst of getting her doctorate and I don't pay really I'm not an official head case. Just one in denial. Anyway, back to the story...

I was talking to my friend about replying back to him when she suggested that I do a little exercise. She said that to make me feel better about the relationship mistakes that I've done she wanted me to compose a nice...NICE...note to each and every single one of the dudes. No less than 2 full sentences to each of them. And it had to be nice. And cordial. Well, shoot...I am as cordial and genteel as the next f-ing chic out there. Sounded easy enough so I decided to humor her. I mean really humor her. Although I was completely honest and I'm super sure that they (if they ever read this...god forbid) would agree that they are all very personal, it wouldn't be an E-original masterpiece if I didn't include a healthy dose of smart-assy-ness! And shut it Mr. A ! I can freaking hear you laughing and nodding your head from here! And by the wayside...I only count 3 of these 8, but apparently anything that lasted longer than a month or 3 dates (which ever came last) counted. So I'm not really as whorish as it looks. REALLY!

Now then, in no particular order:

Dude #1: le Chinois

It wasn't me, it was you! Just was really me (*smiley face*).

Dude #2: F.S.N.

I love you like a brother. But unfortunately, incest is illegal in all 50 states.

Dude #3: EAGLE

You were my personal real life Vin Diesel...except not gay. Right?!? And I really miss riding it.

Dude #4: BLT

What can I say, you were my Prince Charming complete with outfit. I loved you like Di loved Charles...and I'm sure you loved me the same way!

Dude #5: Buzz-Man

You've proven to me time and again that blondes aren't really that dumb. Now if we can only prove it to other people!!!

Dude #6: UNLved

Have a great life. And by life I mean "std". I mean LIFE *wink wink*.

Dude #7: Two Wheels

I've always been curious about how life works out in unexpected ways. Meeting you has satisfied that curiousity...I'm glad and happy to know that riding the banana didn't injure your junk! (*smiley face*)

Dude #8: Training Wheels

Twix are for kids. Here's a bowl on me!!!

What do you mean those were not nice?!?! Did you not see the generous sprinkling of smiley faces??? Tough crowd!


The Unbearable Banishment said...

I see quite a few of these posts whereby women reduce men to a series of stereotypes. I have yet to see a similar post by a man. I’ve been hitched for a while and reading these always takes me back to my glorious days of dating. Most people hate the mating dance but I always loved it.

~E said...

not necessarily reducing them to stereotypes. just pickin out a main characteristic and putting that as a nickname so i dont get angry phone calls about why im blogging about them :)