Sunday, December 7, 2008

I tend to run word circles around most people...

...but apparently not this dude. And trust me I tried. I tried so hard. But alas, he proved a worthy adversary. Bits and Pieces of my second ever conversation with Mr. Words. And if you're wondering why I'm posting so many conversations lately, it's because I have a boring life and writers block and nothing better to post. I'm all empty on the inside...

*~*~*~*~*
p.s. He didn't give me permission to post this...but I'm doing it anyway. Cuz I'm a rebel like that.

p.p.s. Notice how I edited it in such a way that I have the last word? My blog, my rules. HA!

E: There's some people on here I try to avoid...that's why Im invisible all the time.
W: I'm frequently invisible too
E: metaphorically or ?
W: Hah...G-chat invisible. Unless I have secret powers that I haven't told you about...
E: that's for you to know and me not to care about
W: Oh, snap! You've played this game before.
E: Of course I have...it's my secret power, luring guys in with the looks and the rack...then driving them away with my extraordinarily annoying sarcasm
W: Oh boy. Well, the luring part works just fine. But the sarcasm part...well, you may have met your match.
E: you wouldn't know about the luring...that's the beauty of annonymous blogs and the internet
I could be a 60 year old dude with ear hair
W: You could be...but I'm going to choose to believe your pictures. Which could be fatal, considering your sense of humor.
E: good thing you live in where you do...there's no big craggly rocks for you to crash a ship into
W: You really are a wiseass.
E: its a survival skill...
W: Well, I like it.
E: well *wink wink* Mr.W...I also have this bridge I wanna sell you
W: I don't like it THAT much.
E: too bad you're stuck with it
W: Strong women are awesome, because you never have to worry that they're doing things just for you.
E: true. I should just kick [guy I dated] in the nads and get on with life but...he's tall, Im short...my legs dont reach that high
W: But your fists do.
E: you underestimate my shortness...and his tallness...even on tiptoes I wouldn't reach his head...HA!!!!
W: But surely your fists can reach his nads!
E: read closely..."even on tiptoes I wouldn't reach his head"
go ahead
catch up
im waiting
...
W: You said head! That's way higher!
Unless...Unless you're being even dirtier than me.
Which is an accomplishment.
E: Do I need to say it in kindergarten terms?
Mr. W!!! E just called me a peepee head!!!!!
*sigh*and I had such high hopes for you too
W: I just needed time to find your level!
And find a shovel to dig that low.
E: ahhh touche
W: Yeah, you're not the only one who burns ;)
E: free clinic, they don't charge
W: Hahaha.
I haven't met you yet, I don't need the free clinic.
E: Im so viral I seep thru the net
W: You do? Oh hell. I'm glad I still have my pants on.
E: pants are no match for me and as youll soon find out the next time you pee...neither is 3000 miles
W: Eeeeeek!
That is so not fair.
I get all the bad but none of the fun!
E: who say's its all bad...the burning sensation is kinda comforting after awhile...kinda like a warm blanket on a cold winter night
W: Maybe the first night.
But then it gets all red and nobody wants to touch it.
E: does anyone wanna touch it now?
Im just sayin
...
maybe the swelling will be beneficial, who knows?
W: Oh, girl...you are ASKING for it.
E: who me?!?!?
my nickname in highschool was Angel...cuz Im all angelic and stuff
W: Angelic and stuff? Mmmhmm.
E: yu huh
special emphasis on "stuff"
W: You're the girl everyone's mother loves because they don't know what you do when they're not around.
E: exactly!!! Im all sorts of motherlovin goodness
and what's better than a mother's love?
W: You talk circles around most people, don't you?
You're the one that smiles politely while sticking the dagger in?
E: sticking it in....launching it from a harpoon with barbed wire attachments...same diff
W: Too showy.
E: nah...with the brightness of the stunning smile I can be running them over with a herd of pink candy striped elephants and they wouldn't notice
did I also mention my humbleness and modesty?? another selling point if I do say so myself
W: You certainly don't lack for confidence, Ms. E.
Yeah, I can totally tell. You are a loser.
E: uhuh...uhuh...and how does that make you feel?
W: Superior.
E: uhuh...and do you usually feel superior when winning pointless arguments against helpless little girls?
W: Helpless my ass!
Too late, missy. The genie is out of the lamp. I can see the problem with dating you.
E: other than not being able to take your eyes off my gorgeousness you mean?
W: Hahaha. But back to my point...it's dangerous to fall asleep next to you.
One might not wake up.
E: what?
W: Yes.
I'd be afraid to fall asleep with you in the room!
You might be like a cat and suck my breath out.
E: but what a way to die! right?? Am I right?
*high five*
W: Well, okay, if you have to go.
I'll admit.
But I'm kinda hoping that's about 50 years away.
E: nah...I have a feeling I may not live that long
besides if I do...who'd wanna suck the breath out of some geriatric
much more fun if you cut them down at the prime of life
W: I mean 50 years til I go!
E: ...my point still stands
W: Who'd want to? You are underestimating my boyish good looks.
E: does the boyish good looks also apply to the peen?
W: Hahahahaha
Okay, good one.
E: because in all languages I speak "boyish" doesn't mean the same as "childishly small"
W: Well, then I mean my face.
E: I see
...
my point still stands

-end scene-

9 comments:

That damn expat said...

geesh, get a room you two!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

You're sure that's a guy? Right? I mean, you never know...

Chris said...

You two are too damn funny!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

For some reason, I am suddenly rethinking my whole shunning of internet chat programs. There are funny people out there? No way!

Felisa said...

This was nice to read. This is how I speak... except no one can ever come up with a good enough comeback then I get bored.

"you underestimate my shortness...and his tallness...even on tiptoes I wouldn't reach his head...HA!!!!"

Hahahahaha my mind was instantly in the gutter.

Matt said...

HAHA, I love it when people say "Oh, snap"

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. That's a good convo.

~E said...

EXPAT: I do believe he was in his room and I was in mine when we were chatting so it's all good!

UB: No Im not sure he was a guy...but I think what with all the jackassyness that was being said that night Im pretty confident one of us is...and it's not me. OR is it!?!?

Chris: thanks...laugher is my way to hide the pain.

MJenks: There isn't!! Be forewarned! You're more liable to come upon drunks and ho's than funny people online.

Felisa: that was what I was aiming for...to corrupt young minds everywhere and by golly it seems I've suceeded!

Matt: and it's even funnier when it's grown ass men saying it!

Dr.Z: I thought so too. You should see the parts that didn't make it in the post!

sid said...

That was hilarious. Damn a guy who's smart and funny. Guess they do exist.