Sunday, December 7, 2008

I tend to run word circles around most people...

...but apparently not this dude. And trust me I tried. I tried so hard. But alas, he proved a worthy adversary. Bits and Pieces of my second ever conversation with Mr. Words. And if you're wondering why I'm posting so many conversations lately, it's because I have a boring life and writers block and nothing better to post. I'm all empty on the inside...

p.s. He didn't give me permission to post this...but I'm doing it anyway. Cuz I'm a rebel like that.

p.p.s. Notice how I edited it in such a way that I have the last word? My blog, my rules. HA!

E: There's some people on here I try to avoid...that's why Im invisible all the time.
W: I'm frequently invisible too
E: metaphorically or ?
W: Hah...G-chat invisible. Unless I have secret powers that I haven't told you about...
E: that's for you to know and me not to care about
W: Oh, snap! You've played this game before.
E: Of course I's my secret power, luring guys in with the looks and the rack...then driving them away with my extraordinarily annoying sarcasm
W: Oh boy. Well, the luring part works just fine. But the sarcasm part...well, you may have met your match.
E: you wouldn't know about the luring...that's the beauty of annonymous blogs and the internet
I could be a 60 year old dude with ear hair
W: You could be...but I'm going to choose to believe your pictures. Which could be fatal, considering your sense of humor.
E: good thing you live in where you do...there's no big craggly rocks for you to crash a ship into
W: You really are a wiseass.
E: its a survival skill...
W: Well, I like it.
E: well *wink wink* Mr.W...I also have this bridge I wanna sell you
W: I don't like it THAT much.
E: too bad you're stuck with it
W: Strong women are awesome, because you never have to worry that they're doing things just for you.
E: true. I should just kick [guy I dated] in the nads and get on with life but...he's tall, Im legs dont reach that high
W: But your fists do.
E: you underestimate my shortness...and his tallness...even on tiptoes I wouldn't reach his head...HA!!!!
W: But surely your fists can reach his nads!
E: read closely..."even on tiptoes I wouldn't reach his head"
go ahead
catch up
im waiting
W: You said head! That's way higher!
Unless...Unless you're being even dirtier than me.
Which is an accomplishment.
E: Do I need to say it in kindergarten terms?
Mr. W!!! E just called me a peepee head!!!!!
*sigh*and I had such high hopes for you too
W: I just needed time to find your level!
And find a shovel to dig that low.
E: ahhh touche
W: Yeah, you're not the only one who burns ;)
E: free clinic, they don't charge
W: Hahaha.
I haven't met you yet, I don't need the free clinic.
E: Im so viral I seep thru the net
W: You do? Oh hell. I'm glad I still have my pants on.
E: pants are no match for me and as youll soon find out the next time you pee...neither is 3000 miles
W: Eeeeeek!
That is so not fair.
I get all the bad but none of the fun!
E: who say's its all bad...the burning sensation is kinda comforting after awhile...kinda like a warm blanket on a cold winter night
W: Maybe the first night.
But then it gets all red and nobody wants to touch it.
E: does anyone wanna touch it now?
Im just sayin
maybe the swelling will be beneficial, who knows?
W: Oh, are ASKING for it.
E: who me?!?!?
my nickname in highschool was Angel...cuz Im all angelic and stuff
W: Angelic and stuff? Mmmhmm.
E: yu huh
special emphasis on "stuff"
W: You're the girl everyone's mother loves because they don't know what you do when they're not around.
E: exactly!!! Im all sorts of motherlovin goodness
and what's better than a mother's love?
W: You talk circles around most people, don't you?
You're the one that smiles politely while sticking the dagger in?
E: sticking it in....launching it from a harpoon with barbed wire attachments...same diff
W: Too showy.
E: nah...with the brightness of the stunning smile I can be running them over with a herd of pink candy striped elephants and they wouldn't notice
did I also mention my humbleness and modesty?? another selling point if I do say so myself
W: You certainly don't lack for confidence, Ms. E.
Yeah, I can totally tell. You are a loser.
E: uhuh...uhuh...and how does that make you feel?
W: Superior.
E: uhuh...and do you usually feel superior when winning pointless arguments against helpless little girls?
W: Helpless my ass!
Too late, missy. The genie is out of the lamp. I can see the problem with dating you.
E: other than not being able to take your eyes off my gorgeousness you mean?
W: Hahaha. But back to my's dangerous to fall asleep next to you.
One might not wake up.
E: what?
W: Yes.
I'd be afraid to fall asleep with you in the room!
You might be like a cat and suck my breath out.
E: but what a way to die! right?? Am I right?
*high five*
W: Well, okay, if you have to go.
I'll admit.
But I'm kinda hoping that's about 50 years away.
E: nah...I have a feeling I may not live that long
besides if I do...who'd wanna suck the breath out of some geriatric
much more fun if you cut them down at the prime of life
W: I mean 50 years til I go!
E: point still stands
W: Who'd want to? You are underestimating my boyish good looks.
E: does the boyish good looks also apply to the peen?
W: Hahahahaha
Okay, good one.
E: because in all languages I speak "boyish" doesn't mean the same as "childishly small"
W: Well, then I mean my face.
E: I see
my point still stands

-end scene-


That damn expat said...

geesh, get a room you two!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

You're sure that's a guy? Right? I mean, you never know...

Chris said...

You two are too damn funny!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

For some reason, I am suddenly rethinking my whole shunning of internet chat programs. There are funny people out there? No way!

Felisa said...

This was nice to read. This is how I speak... except no one can ever come up with a good enough comeback then I get bored.

"you underestimate my shortness...and his tallness...even on tiptoes I wouldn't reach his head...HA!!!!"

Hahahahaha my mind was instantly in the gutter.

Matt said...

HAHA, I love it when people say "Oh, snap"

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. That's a good convo.

~E said...

EXPAT: I do believe he was in his room and I was in mine when we were chatting so it's all good!

UB: No Im not sure he was a guy...but I think what with all the jackassyness that was being said that night Im pretty confident one of us is...and it's not me. OR is it!?!?

Chris: thanks...laugher is my way to hide the pain.

MJenks: There isn't!! Be forewarned! You're more liable to come upon drunks and ho's than funny people online.

Felisa: that was what I was aiming corrupt young minds everywhere and by golly it seems I've suceeded!

Matt: and it's even funnier when it's grown ass men saying it!

Dr.Z: I thought so too. You should see the parts that didn't make it in the post!

sid said...

That was hilarious. Damn a guy who's smart and funny. Guess they do exist.