Saturday, December 6, 2008

It all started when I asked if he was dead...

I was so excited about this post because I thought I was being so clever posting an actual thread of convo between me and a blogger buddy.

Until he beat me to it and posted one himself...not with me...with someone else...

So my excitement has dimmed considerably. Whatever...

Here:

~*~*~*

...it was purely curiosity that made me ask of course. Because I wanted to know if I can have his stuff if he were to meet an untimely (or timely, depending on how you look at it) demise.



In the interest of providing my lovely blogger buddies with intellectual stimulation by way of highly intelligent conversation...I'll post our email string here.



...



Ha! LOL, who am I kidding?!? You don't come here for intelligent reading, you come here to see what kind of unmotivated crap I managed to come up with on an almost day to day basis and felt necessary to take time out of my unproductive life to type up for you folks. At least this way, I'm only half to blame. The other half is courtesy of WWW over at Untitled Blogger Project.

W: I'm not dead! Stop leering at my stuff! Although my stuff looks pretty cool right now as I have all my Christmas decorations up. You probably won't want any of my CDs, but if I die you can have my brain so that all my football knowledge can be transplanted into you :) But I don't plan on being dead anytime soon, so stay away with your guns! I'll be happy to give you a lesson though, I taught marksmanship to Boy Scouts for years :)

E: Yeah sure. Let me just steal my buddy's guns, hop on a plane with my weapons of individual destruction to wherever the hell you are and we'll get right on with the shootin.

W: You make it sound difficult...BTW I'm the hell in Los Angeles :)

E: Oh...well thats only 2 states away! That's less difficult than if you were...say in New York...but still more difficult than if you were in the same state as I. Plus there is that question of whether you'll try to maim me when I got there.

W: Maim you?? What kind of a monster do you take me for! I would only maim you if you pointed that gun at me.

E: If you can even get close enough to me! I may not be able to hold that damn gun up for very long...but if you hold still and don't move...and stand about 5 feet away...I won't miss. Even without my glasses!

W: If you're attempting to shoot me, I doubt very much that I will hold still five feet away from you, no matter how cute you are :)

E: You underestimate my powers when I bat my eyes and twirl the hair. I've gotten grown men to do things they would never admit to doing. In fact, somewhere in the skies above Minnesotta (or one of those middle of the country states no one really goes to) is a 34 year old man in an airplane with pink sparkly toenail polish on. But I digress...my point was they wouldn't let me carry guns on a plane

W: Wow. So you're saying you're a siren. Those willowy spirits that caused men to crash their ships into rocky shores because they couldn't help but follow the siren's song...that is a BOLD claim, chickadee ;)

E: No...Im not claiming to be a siren. What I am saying is, if you are my most favorite cousin in the world...and you are staying at my house for one night only on the way back home...anything that happens if I catch you dead drunk and passed out on the couch is all your fault. That's all.

W: That is worth writing down. *gives you the evil eye*That reminds me of a story from a few years ago. I was hanging out and drinking with my brother and a few friends from high school. One of them passed out, and we got a black magic marker and drew on his face. We drew penises on both his cheeks and "I LOVE DICK" on his forehead. He didn't realize it, and went home on the train to Philadelphia. We talked to him later...he was wondering why people gave him weird looks on the train, and then stopped wondering when he got home and washed his face before bed :)

E: *gasp*THAT IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!! Why the hell didn't I think of that?!?! Oh I know. Because I may be cute enough to forgive for girly but easily hideable toenail polish but not even all the charm in the world would save me from my cousin's wrath if I did that to him.

W: You're very right. But male friends can be forgiven for just about everything except sleeping with your friend's girlfriend.

E: See? That's just another one of those things that make me want to be a guy. One of the very few things...but still. In fact that's only the second thing I can think of. The first being "I would be able to pee anywhere, and do it standing up"

W: Well, yeah. But the peeing thing DOES come in handy. Especially when you're in a public restroom that doesn't look like you want to sit down. But that's what straddling is for!

E: Unless you're a girl and have had to do that once or twice (or everytime you go to the bathroom the whole month you were in a foreign country) then you have no idea how messy straddling can be. Unless you're me. Because I have perfect aim everytime.

W: Every time. Because much like Mary Poppins, you're practically perfect in every way. Mmmhmm.

E: Except for a couple tattoos and some scars here and there then you're right...Practically Perfect. Just call me Mary Freakin Poppins, asian version!

W: Scars! Now that sounds like there are some good stories. I'll have to try to email you after you've been drinking to hear those :)

-end scene-

Watch for Part II for "more on E's scars"...and I'm not talking about the emotional and mental ones!

4 comments:

words words words said...

I have learned something valuable from this post. I make too many smiley faces when I chat. And way to warn all my blogger friends that I'm liable to draw genitals on their face.

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm a fan of WWW.

..:: C ::.. said...

Oh and to help you out, you can carry guns on airplanes. You just have to check them with luggage and declare them. Then once you get to the hotel at your destination just load them and you're good to go..

~E said...

WWW: I think they may have already suspected that.

Dr.Z: Me too! What a coinkydink!

C: SHHHHHH!!! DONT TELL HIM!!!