Friday, December 19, 2008

Just consider it a mental upchuck [Part III]

A collection of stories that I've been meaning to write about, or that other people have told me I should post, or that I've recently just remembered...all here for your reading pleasure.

Part III: About dating certain guys...

The summer before I went to college, my youngest brother who was 6 at the time started taking swim lessons at the local pool. I, being the awesome sister that I am, would drive him there and stay for the hour...to watch him play around in the water having fun. And also to stealthily observe his hot swim teacher. For the purposes of this blog, we will call him "Fins". By the way Expat, he looked like a younger version of the Scandinavian God...

Anyhoo...

A month and 8 swim lessons pass by and although I had chatted up Fins a few times before, I got the feeling that he wasn't really interested in me. Usually when I turn on the charm full blast it doesn't take that long for a guy to get a clue. One day as I was waiting for the littlest bro-han to finish getting dressed, Fins comes up the bleachers to talk to me and *gasp* asks me if I wanted to hang out! Hoorah! We make plans to go watch a movie and have dinner etc...usual date stuff.

The day of the date comes around and it was nice enough. No real sparks but the food was good and conversation decent. After dinner he takes me to this place known locally as the go-to make out spot (for those of you in the Seattle area, it's that place near the Amazon.com building right off of Jose Rizal Bridge). I wasn't really feeling in the mood for such an event as he was obviously looking forward to, but I decided to just go along with it. Who knew, maybe sparks will ignite after all! We get there and sit around awkwardly for a few minutes when all of a sudden Fins...lunges, I guess would be the word...at me and started grabbing and groping and being really uncoordinated. I raise my hand to push him off but the heel of my hand "accidentally" (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) smacks against his nose causing it to spurt blood all over himself.

He backs off and starts cussing at me and yelling and being generally ungentlemanlike and then he tells me to "get out of the f*ing car cuz you're f*ing walking your f*ing ass home". I tell him "fine, but keep in mind my parents and about a half a dozen friends know where I am and who I'm with and I'll tell them what happened and why I had to call them for a ride...so if tomorrow morning you wake up and there's two burly football players outside your door with a shotgun..."

I guess that whole spiel about the shotgun made him reconsider his threat and he tells me that he'll drive me home but that I can "f*ing forget about us". As if I needed him to tell me that! Anyway, after the silent ride home (which now in retrospect I should have called someone else for a ride) I basically never saw him again. It turns out I broke his nose and he had to get someone else to cover his swim lessons for the rest of the season. *giggle*

Fast forward two years and I'm a sophomore in college having a nice walk thru campus when all of a sudden I see this guy jogging towards me. I wasn't wearing my glasses so I didn't recognize him untill it was too late to run away. Good ole Fins! Looking pretty damn good and happy (the bastard). He says Hi, and that he is glad to see me and he would like for us to have coffee because there was something he has been meaning to tell me the last two years but he is "finally in a place where I can say it out loud". I was ready to tell him to take a flying leap but that last little bit intrigued me (the bastard) so I tell him fine, Ill meet him at a nice public coffee house in the middle of the day with lots of people around.

I meet him at a Starbucks the next day and right away he apologizes for his actions that fateful night. He tells me " I know that nothing I can say, and no amount of apologizing will make you forgive me or forget that night but I just wanted to at least explain. As f*ed up as it sounds I did have a reason for doing what I did". All along I was thinking WTF!?! You had a reason for accosting me??? (that bastard). But I nod and was gracious and told him to go on. He says, "I was in a confused state at the time and to be honest I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn't gay and I guess in my weird mental state I thought that if I can get thru having relations with you..........."

.....

I'm sorry...Excuse me say what?!?!?! BACK UP!!! I was glazing over and starting to fade but that little revelation woke me the hell up. Long story short, it turns out he was gay and in the closet and he thought that forcing himself on me would either make him realize he wasn't or convince him that he was. Apparently I convinced him that he was. He even went so far as to thank me for finally giving him the kick in the ass he needed to accept it and to tell his parents. I told him I would have given him all the ass kicking he needed and "uhm you're welcome??". I was only being halfway my sarcastic self about the ass kicking.

The last I heard, he was happily living with his partner of...I guess it would be 6 years now...and teaching in a high school somewhere in California. Although I understood his dilemma and was genuinely happy for him that he finally accepted himself and found somebody, I'd be lying if I said I completely forgave him. Regardless of his reasons, that was one of the scariest experiences of my life and even though it ended about as well as it could have, there were many nights for a long time after when I had nightmares about being raped and maimed. Those of you (the guys) who know me in person...you know how when I meet up with you the first time and I say "I've told 50 people where I am and what car you drive so please don't rape or maim me"?? Well, that experience is where that particular habit came from.

I suppose I should thank God that I was fine and came out of it ok, thank God for happy little "accidents" *wink wink*, and damn my luck and taste with guys.

The End

9 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

That's a great story!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Man, if I had a dollar for every attractive woman I felt up in an attempt to prove myself to myself...

It's okay. You don't need to lie about the 'bumping of the nose'. You can tell us that you were trying to make him look like Daffy Duck after Elmer shoots him in the face.

Felisa said...

You should have said, "Oh goodie! I love being the one who makes men realize they're not attracted to women at all!" :P
I would've been really scared had I been in your position. Geez.

Sabrae said...

LMAO!!! Good for you for breaking his nose even if you didn't mean it! lol! Hey if it makes you feel any better my ex tells everyone that he made me gay! lol I just laugh becuz anyone that knows me knows that I was semi gay way before him!

That damn expat said...

Ahh yes, nothing says straight like date rape.

But I understand your reasons for stalking him at the pool. I know you are left powerless around Scandinavian gods.

~E said...

Mjenks: You're right...it was one of those accidents on purpose type of situation

Felisa: I was thinking of saying that, but I decided to just take the high ground and keep my trap shut.

Sabrae: That's hilarious! You should tell him, "yeah you did" and give him a complex.

Expat: Damn those scandinavian gods anyway! them and their blue blue blue eyes and their soft blonde hair and the tallness and...excuse me, where was I again?

Some Guy said...

These little mental upchucks are fascinating, E!

..:: C ::.. said...

Ahhhh, that's why I seem to have an address collection in my phone... =P

~E said...

Some guy: Glad you find them noteworthy!

C: YEp...and once the snow melts and I finally get my date with that cop, I'll have another address and car type for you to memorize