A Critical Error in Judgement...

~There are no mistakes, the events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn. Whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go~ --Richard Bach

I have made a critical error in my judgement of someone and in my trust in myself. I was so eager to find someone I'm compatible with that my normally strong holds on my...well, let's say "heart" for lack of a better term...were way too relaxed. Maybe I let the unusually strong mental connection get the better of me this time around. Wouldn't that be a refreshing change for once? To be smitten with someone because they were a great conversationalist way before I even saw them and realized they were *gasp* good looking too? I assumed one of three things were happening. Turns out I was right.

To be fair there was never any false pretenses on his part. His initial impression to me and everything he told me about himself and what he wanted was true and held true from the time I met him till today. He was charming, and sweet. Handsome and smart. It was I who changed. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship, but I was the one who fell enamored. I wasn't used to a guy treating me well and being honest with me. Completely and utterly honest with me. I saw more than was there, put more worth on what I thought I saw. It's all my fault and I'm the only one to blame. I did scare him off probably. And just as well now than later.

I AM grateful to him however. For finally breaking me off the bonds that have held me to one person for so long. For once in more than a year, I thought of someone else everyday. Saw someone else in my dreams. Dared to let my heart heal like it has been trying to for so long. For that I will always appreciate the impact he made on my life regardless of how short it may have been or how strongly I let it affect me. Moving the person from "maybe/definitely" to "acquaintance"...the event to "lesson learned". Locking the padlocks around the wounded heart once again. Men beware...Jaded!

Love is in the air...PTII

Rena's wedding was this last Saturday. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm mildly relieved that the slew of bachelorettes and showers and weddings are finally done. At least until April for me. Anyway, after Jessica's wedding last week and Rena's wedding this week I am more amazed now than ever how 7 completely different girls who got shoved into one dorm room get along so well. Apparently opposites do attract sometimes :)

Jessi's wedding was so her, down to the colors of the bridesmaid dresses to the speed of the ceremony. Casual and elegant at the same time. Quick and outdoors. Informal but fun. Rena's was very traditional and sophisticated and planned to the littlest detail. Both were heartwarming and touching. I, along with Kate was very happy at the amount of cluster pics at Rena's slideshow. Gave me the warm and fuzzys to see pictures of us from college and beyond. At the church, I felt a little tear catch in my eye as I saw Rena walk down the aisle, absolutely gorgeous in her dress and looking so happy. The food was great and the venue despite the amount of guests was very intimate. The traditional korean ceremony that was performed during the reception was so very sweet (and rather perplexing to a non-korean but I did get a friend of mine to explain what was happening after the fact) and it was insane to see Rena dressed in traditional Korean wedding garb. Jess and I became very familiar with the bartenders in the 4 hours we were there hahaha. Oh, how I've missed her.

Though I'm sad to say goodbye to another Cluster Chica I'm glad that the brood of 7 is growing with the addition of new menfolk. First was Jeff (Jessica's husband)...then came Mark (Rena's husband)...in April there is Kyle (Lindsey's fiance). As for the long term significant others: Don (Gigi's boyfriend) and Jason (Angela's boyfriend) are already common faces at cluster events. Kate and I are left hahaha...but in my situation at least I am not in any rush. I haven't been single since I was 18 and I am enjoying not having to answer to anyone else but myself for once.

Love is in the air...

~Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible, it canot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possesion could--Barbara DeAngelis

~My brother is in town for summer break and I am glad! I haven't seen him since he flew up for my dad's birthday in March and having him around makes me happy. You never realize how much you miss someone till you don't see them for long stretches at a time. But the silver lining in all this is that we are closer now that we were when we lived together and saw each other everyday. He is thinking of transferring back up to Washington State for his last year of college and we've played with the idea of becoming roommates again.

~Jessica's wedding went beautifully! Kate and I braved the ferry system and traveled together to Port Orchard and not only was it lovely to see the Cluster girlies together again, but to see our good friend married off to a great guy! The day started off sweltering hot during the outdoor ceremony but not even the fact that my legs were sticking to the chair could dampen my happiness as Jess walked down the aisle. She looked gorgeous in her dress and you can tell she was incessantly happy! The reception afterward had great food and good company...what more could you ask for? Of course more pictures are in my other sites (I wouldnt be the photo ninja after all unless I came up with at least a hundred pics). Next up is Rena. And slowly one by one the single girls fall hahahaah...April is Lindsey. Anyone else want to claim dates now or what?

~ There is just something about a well-versed, charming, handsome guy who can sit in his living room and play the guitar and sing for you while rain is falling outside that gets me all fluttery inside. Not saying that my relationship status is gonna change anytime soon but I can be a big girl and admit that I'm slightly smitten with someone. That was all...I just wanted people to understand that if I walk around with a dazed dopey look on my face, it is not because I am simple...it's because parts of my head that haven't been in use in a while is occupied with thinking about someone else.

Age does not Wisdom make...

It bewilders me time and again how I can be so good at picking guys and then so bad at it at the same time. I have met so many cool guys in the last few months but despite the connections I keep finding, my heart is still stuck on the one guy who has offered me no promises. And why? What for? Sticking around like a dumbass on the off chance that maybe someday in the future he will grow up, open his eyes and see what's right in front of him? Fat chance.

Some people just never "get it". Lust comes first. Love follows easily. And trust above all is the hardest thing to earn.