7 Rules to a Successful Relationship...

Now don't get me wrong. I, in no means whatsoever, am NOT a relationship expert! In fact if I really sat down and thought about it...I consider myself 3 inches away from a relationship failure. With that said, I tend to rely on the wisdoms (and/or stupidity) of others to govern the way I go about my non-existent love life. Lacking a better segue into this blog, I'll just go ahead and present these...my 7 Rules to a Successful Relationship...as gathered from my vast and simultaneously limited experiences:

1. Do as your friends say, and not as they do.

Have you ever noticed that your friends always have the BEST advice, and always know what words to say to comfort you and make you feel better but then they turn around and make the same mistakes in their relationships? It's simple really. It is a lot easier to give good advice and know what to do when you are detached from the situation than when you're rolling around in the middle of it. Face it! You give great advice to your friends but do you ever follow your own advice? Of course not. When you let your heart govern your thoughts, your brain takes a back seat. So do yourself a favor...listen to your friends. In certain cases at least, they are smarter than you!

2. Get the girl and guy perspective to your questions.

I know you won't believe me when I say this but girls AND guys go thru relationship muck just as much as the next person. Really! For every girl who complains of so and so no good dillhole who left her and broke her heart, there is a guy hiding in a dark corner somewhere cursing the girl who did him wrong too. The only difference is, girls usually vent and whine more to their girlfriends and guy's tend to hold it all inside. It's always good to get a second perspective to life's big questions anyway and the benefit to having opposite sex input to life's more heartbreaking obstacles is not only to see the situation in a light that you hadn't thought to look at it from...but also sometimes it's nice to hear a man say "you're right, men ARE dillholes and I am ashamed to call myself one today". :)

3. Regardless of how off the cuff they sometimes tend to be...reading Dating articles and blogs is a good thing!

...if only for the amusement benefit they provide and to assure you that regardless of how crappy you are feeling about your latest failed attempt at love (or something along those lines) there are others out there going thru the same thing. And if you are lucky, sometimes their problems are bigger than yours! Here are a couple good ones. And this goes along with the whole guy girl perspective thing too so...read up buttercup!

Understanding Men: from the Relationship Doctor
http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/blog/

Marie Clair Dating Blog: by Rich Santos
http://www.marieclaire.com/life/sex/dating/dating-red-flags-relationships

4. Ain't no such thing as a mistake in love...just a lesson learned.

If you look at every bad, failed, torturous relationship as an opportunity for learning...eventually you will realize that you take something good away from even the worst dating experiences of your life. Trust me on that! With every horrible date you start to build a list of what you want and what you don't want in a guy (or girl) and what you can and cannot live without in a long term commitment.

5. For goodness' sake DON'T LOSE HOPE!

I believe that not only does everything happen for a reason, but that things happen in their own time. Be patient. Just because 5 out of your 7 friends are all married with children at 25 doesn't mean it will never happen for you. We all need to grow on our own, learn to take care of ourselves, and learn to love who we are before we can take care and love another person. And as they say "the best things in life are worth the wait".

6. Don't blame a new love, for the things that an old love did. Keep an open mind.

I know it sucks and it's hard as hell to trust again after having your trust betrayed so completely that you find yourself cursing your ex's name fore...I'm sorry, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah. Just because your ex cheated on you and broke your heart, doesn't automatically mean all guys (or girls) are horrible cheating liars that can't be trusted. I don't mean be naive and ignore the warning signs, but keep an open mind. More often than not, love and all the answers you are looking for is staring you right in the face but you just don't see it. When one door closes, sometimes we look so hard at that door that we don't see the window that's opened to us.

7. To thine own self be true.

Need I say more? What it all comes down to in the end is you. Only you know what is right for you. Trust your heart and when everyone else fails you, don't ever let you fail yourself.

--as promised, I dedicate this blog to Mr. Anderson [I presume] ;) my late night relationship guru!

A Melancholy kind of day...

Pre-Script: It's just a song. Don't think about it too hard, you'll hurt yourself.


Fallin by Alicia Keys

I keep on fallin, in and out of love with you
Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good,
At times I feel used.
Lovin' you darlin', makes me so confused

I keep on fallin', in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I'm lovin' you

Oh, I... never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure,
And cause me so much pain
Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool
I start on fallin back in love with you

I keep on fallin', in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I'm lovin' you...you

What's your "happy"?

I just finished emailing back and forth with a friend of mine and the last thing we discussed (kinda) was the subject of happiness. Basically, he said that he was glad I was happy and that he was "happy that [I am] happy". And you know what? I really appreciated that. I told him that the key to being happy is to find your own sunshine, as opposed to relying on others to create it for you.

After we stopped emailing (or rather after he stopped replying to me, I assume he fell asleep) I got to thinking what makes me happy on a daily basis. And the answer was quite surprising. You know how they always say that most people find pleasure in the simplest things? Well, the one thing that makes me happy everyday is to open up my computer, turn on my internet, and see the "Slideshow of Beaches" widget on my home page. That and to log onto my favorite webcomics "Cyanide and Happiness" and "XKCD" and laugh hysterically at whatever dry humored joke they come up with.

That's it. Simple but reliable...No matter how crappy I may be feeling at whatever lemon life has decided to chuck at me on any given day, I can always manage a smile by seeing those two things.

So I guess the purpose of this blog is to encourage everyone to think about what makes them happy. The simple pleasures in life if you will, and really learn to appreciate them for what they are.

~The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. --James Openheim~

A Critical Error in Judgement...

~There are no mistakes, the events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn. Whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go~ --Richard Bach

I have made a critical error in my judgement of someone and in my trust in myself. I was so eager to find someone I'm compatible with that my normally strong holds on my...well, let's say "heart" for lack of a better term...were way too relaxed. Maybe I let the unusually strong mental connection get the better of me this time around. Wouldn't that be a refreshing change for once? To be smitten with someone because they were a great conversationalist way before I even saw them and realized they were *gasp* good looking too? I assumed one of three things were happening. Turns out I was right.

To be fair there was never any false pretenses on his part. His initial impression to me and everything he told me about himself and what he wanted was true and held true from the time I met him till today. He was charming, and sweet. Handsome and smart. It was I who changed. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship, but I was the one who fell enamored. I wasn't used to a guy treating me well and being honest with me. Completely and utterly honest with me. I saw more than was there, put more worth on what I thought I saw. It's all my fault and I'm the only one to blame. I did scare him off probably. And just as well now than later.

I AM grateful to him however. For finally breaking me off the bonds that have held me to one person for so long. For once in more than a year, I thought of someone else everyday. Saw someone else in my dreams. Dared to let my heart heal like it has been trying to for so long. For that I will always appreciate the impact he made on my life regardless of how short it may have been or how strongly I let it affect me. Moving the person from "maybe/definitely" to "acquaintance"...the event to "lesson learned". Locking the padlocks around the wounded heart once again. Men beware...Jaded!

Love is in the air...PTII

Rena's wedding was this last Saturday. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm mildly relieved that the slew of bachelorettes and showers and weddings are finally done. At least until April for me. Anyway, after Jessica's wedding last week and Rena's wedding this week I am more amazed now than ever how 7 completely different girls who got shoved into one dorm room get along so well. Apparently opposites do attract sometimes :)

Jessi's wedding was so her, down to the colors of the bridesmaid dresses to the speed of the ceremony. Casual and elegant at the same time. Quick and outdoors. Informal but fun. Rena's was very traditional and sophisticated and planned to the littlest detail. Both were heartwarming and touching. I, along with Kate was very happy at the amount of cluster pics at Rena's slideshow. Gave me the warm and fuzzys to see pictures of us from college and beyond. At the church, I felt a little tear catch in my eye as I saw Rena walk down the aisle, absolutely gorgeous in her dress and looking so happy. The food was great and the venue despite the amount of guests was very intimate. The traditional korean ceremony that was performed during the reception was so very sweet (and rather perplexing to a non-korean but I did get a friend of mine to explain what was happening after the fact) and it was insane to see Rena dressed in traditional Korean wedding garb. Jess and I became very familiar with the bartenders in the 4 hours we were there hahaha. Oh, how I've missed her.

Though I'm sad to say goodbye to another Cluster Chica I'm glad that the brood of 7 is growing with the addition of new menfolk. First was Jeff (Jessica's husband)...then came Mark (Rena's husband)...in April there is Kyle (Lindsey's fiance). As for the long term significant others: Don (Gigi's boyfriend) and Jason (Angela's boyfriend) are already common faces at cluster events. Kate and I are left hahaha...but in my situation at least I am not in any rush. I haven't been single since I was 18 and I am enjoying not having to answer to anyone else but myself for once.

Love is in the air...

~Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible, it canot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possesion could--Barbara DeAngelis

~My brother is in town for summer break and I am glad! I haven't seen him since he flew up for my dad's birthday in March and having him around makes me happy. You never realize how much you miss someone till you don't see them for long stretches at a time. But the silver lining in all this is that we are closer now that we were when we lived together and saw each other everyday. He is thinking of transferring back up to Washington State for his last year of college and we've played with the idea of becoming roommates again.

~Jessica's wedding went beautifully! Kate and I braved the ferry system and traveled together to Port Orchard and not only was it lovely to see the Cluster girlies together again, but to see our good friend married off to a great guy! The day started off sweltering hot during the outdoor ceremony but not even the fact that my legs were sticking to the chair could dampen my happiness as Jess walked down the aisle. She looked gorgeous in her dress and you can tell she was incessantly happy! The reception afterward had great food and good company...what more could you ask for? Of course more pictures are in my other sites (I wouldnt be the photo ninja after all unless I came up with at least a hundred pics). Next up is Rena. And slowly one by one the single girls fall hahahaah...April is Lindsey. Anyone else want to claim dates now or what?

~ There is just something about a well-versed, charming, handsome guy who can sit in his living room and play the guitar and sing for you while rain is falling outside that gets me all fluttery inside. Not saying that my relationship status is gonna change anytime soon but I can be a big girl and admit that I'm slightly smitten with someone. That was all...I just wanted people to understand that if I walk around with a dazed dopey look on my face, it is not because I am simple...it's because parts of my head that haven't been in use in a while is occupied with thinking about someone else.

Age does not Wisdom make...

It bewilders me time and again how I can be so good at picking guys and then so bad at it at the same time. I have met so many cool guys in the last few months but despite the connections I keep finding, my heart is still stuck on the one guy who has offered me no promises. And why? What for? Sticking around like a dumbass on the off chance that maybe someday in the future he will grow up, open his eyes and see what's right in front of him? Fat chance.

Some people just never "get it". Lust comes first. Love follows easily. And trust above all is the hardest thing to earn.