Friends and Sympathy go hand in hand...

I dont really feel like going into too much detail, but let's just say having sypathetic awesome friends really make a tough situation easier to handle.

Off I go to face my fears, and face the sadness...into His hands I entrust my soul.

------
Tuesday:

Its hot here...but not the kind of hot that makes you happy the sun is out. Its the kind of hot that makes you wish for winter. Its the kind of sunshiney day that belies the gravity and sadness of the reason Im here to begin with. I hear that thunderstorms and rain are in the forecast for tomorrow. Its more in keeping with the occasion.

------
Wednesday:

It is gloomy and overcast, but still sticky hot. Behind the clouds you can see the sun trying valiantly to peek thru...it matches my mood. Im trying to be bubbly and strong but my efforts don't have my usual will behind them. Did anyone else remember the 3 hour time difference? Because I sure didn't. Its become a strategy for me...instead of thinking about stuff, I focus on keeping my eyes open and answering questions when they are asked.

It was a very Guns and Ammo kind of day...

Remember a few posts ago when I said I had a checklist of stuff I wanted to do before I died? Well, consider this item checked off! It was my first time ever shooting a gun and I guess it was "go big or go home"! I started off with a huge M4 and finished off with a slightly less huge but a lot heavier AK47. Basically my coworker John has been talking about taking me to shoot some guns because according to him Im too girly. And it just so happens that one of my best friends Amanda is an avid shooter. I mean she's got those paper targets hung up in her apartment and I really wanted to try it out but I have just been too busy. Well, John got a new job and will be leaving for a 6 month contract on a cruise ship (to the bahamas the lucky b*st*rd) on Sunday so it was now or never. Just so happens I had a short day today so he picked me up and we drove up to Snoqualmie to an abandoned rock quarry and we shot some guns. I even loaded my own magazines! :) the pics and vids are either on my MySpace and Facebook. I didnt realize how heavy and awkward those things were untill I tried to 1) hold them upright, which I couldn't...2) cock the guns and/or push the bolt release on the M4 which I also couldn't...3) aim it without dropping it or kicking back so hard I ended up on my butt. I ended up taking a knee on almost all my shots. But it was definitely an experience and Im glad I did it, despite the nasty bruise developing on my shoulder as I type.

After we finished off the rounds, we stopped at North Bend to eat dinner and then went home.

A great day over all even though it was kinda overcast and cold up in the mountains. Definitely something Id like to try again. Maybe with a smaller gun next time, I nice little pistol or a pea shooter maybe hahaha.

Kinda makes me want to get married...

...but not really! :) If I could just have the bachelorette, then the wedding, then the reception, without the planning and the husband after that would be great!

No seriously, we had a great weekend celebrating Rena's last weeks as a single chica! We met up at Kate's house saturday to prefunk and play party games and to get ready to go out. I've been sworn to secrecy when it comes to exactly what happened and who was there and although I have the pictures to prove it, most are set to private LOL. Let's just say we had LOTS of fun at Katie's. Then we all squeezed into cars to attend a show at the Can Can Cabaret in Pike Place. And can I just say Ive always liked how *certain* guys look in boxer briefs and a sailor hat but the dancer I've christened "yummy bald dude" was really something else...Im still smiling about it ;)



After the show everyone kinda filtered out and went home and I woke up this morning still pleasantly tipsy!



Now Im off to bed and to rest my poor gams who suffered thru clanking around all day yesterday in 4inch stilettos! Night all!

Wise Words...

...from the 'Wise One'...for you to chew on a bit:

~Remember, be careful what you wish for. Maybe you should think of what you want in life and in romance, then decide who. Maybe that person cannot be who you need, maybe they can. Most important is to figure out what truly makes you happy...then figure out how to get there. How can anyone fulfill you if you do not know what you want and need? The only WHO that matters in this regard is you. After you sort that out then determine if the path you are one will lead you there...~ --J. Pirelli

Submitted for your contemplation...

1. What does it mean if you ask a guy "if I told you tomorrow that I had a new boyfriend and I had to stop seeing you...would you be upset?" and his answer was "why would you have to stop seeing me?"

2. Should you risk what could be a great relationship with guy X, because you're in love with guy Y even if you're not sure if he will ever feel the same about you? Would you risk everything for the sake of love?

3. What is love anyway? And what defines a great relationship nowadays? Is faithfullness even a trait you should look for anymore?

4. Why do girls always want the bad boys?

5. It's easy to forgive, but how do you forget? Is it possible to trust someone again if they have hurt you so much in the past? What if you don't know if they deserve or even desire your trust again...should you work hard to give it anyway?

6. How can you tell if someone is just using you because they know you're in love with them? How can you tell that someone isn't using you but really does care for you and love you, just not in the way you want them to?

7. If someone loves you but not the way you need them to, how do you deal with it and move on? Can you really move on knowing you're leaving a big piece of your heart behind...or will all future relationships just not be as satisfying?

Oh no She DIDNT!!!

I know this is gonna sound kinda petty...especially when I should be very happy for her. But sometimes girls just have to be girls and today is my day.

A few months ago my friend Gigi emails me because she was looking thru wedding dresses and she found one that she liked. But she thought it looked familiar so she emailed it to me and asked if it was the dress I picked out in high school and I said yes it is. Good friend that she is, she didn't want to wear it even though she liked it because I had it picked out first. See, the thing with most girls is; we, since we knew what weddings were and saw our first princess movie, have always had a perfect picture of the perfect wedding in our heads. Complete with "prince charming" and the cake and the party, the ring, and THE perfect wedding dress. I told her she can wear it if she wants because I changed my mind and now had a different dress in mind. That whole conversation sparked a blog (on a website that I have since deleted) where I posted the pic of my new dress and a friend of mine...we will call her "H"...saw it and said "oh how cute...you would look really good in that dress".

Fast forward 6 months and "H" tells me she and her boyfriend have gotten engaged, she would like me to be a bridesmaid for their wedding next June, and what do I think about the dress that she had picked out.

...

The dress she had picked out was MY dress, so of course I liked it....ON ME! I know the guys out there are thinking "so what, why can't you wear the dress anyway?" BECAUSE!!! Its not the dress! Ok, I lie, it is partly the dress...and partly the fact that she knew it was the dress I picked out and is gonna wear it anyway. I can't very well say "no, don't wear the dress to your wedding because I might wear the dress when and if I ever get married". It sounds petty and small I know, but as off this time last year I thought my perfect wedding was in the horizon. I had the perfect guy who even had a uniform like "prince charming", I had the engagement ring picked out and sized. Now, no guy, no ring, and apparently now I can't even wear my dress.

*sigh*

I just hit SEND to my reply to her "of course Ill be your bridesmaid, Im so happy for you and you will look gorgeous in the dress"...

Im going to bed...

I'll Be There -- Mariah Carey

You and I must make a pact.
We must bring salvation back.
Where there is love I'll be there.

I'll reach out my hand to you,
I'll have faith in all you do.
Just call my name and I'll be there.

I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you.
I'm so glad that I found you.
I'll be there with a love that's strong.
I'll be your strength,
I'll keep holding on.

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter.
Togetherness is all I'm after.
Whenever you need me I'll be there.

I'll be there to protect you.
With an unselfish love I'll respect you.
Just call my name,
And I'll be there.

I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you.
I'm so glad that I found you.
I'll be there with a love that's strong.
I'll be your strength,
I'll keep holding on.

If you should ever find someone new,
I know she'd better be good to you.
'Cause if she isn't,
I'll be there .
Just call my name I'll be there.
Whenever you need me I'll be there

Something to be said about stepping out of your comfort zone...

~Adventure isn’t hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life -- facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential ~ --John Amatt

What started off as a fairly uneventful day definitely ended on a high note. I made plans to meet with a friend of mine to try out his motorcycle after work yesterday and due to one or more unforseen circumstances we ended up meeting an hour later than planned. But everything worked out since the timing made it possible to avoid the worst of the traffic.

We met up at Starbucks and then rode his Hayabusa across the water into the Lake Union area to see his friend who lived on a houseboat. Side note: R1's are nice but Hayabusa's are better. More comfortable if you're a passenger. Anyway we met his friend and borrowed his zodiac ( I call it a liferaft with a motor...but technically its a small boat) to ride around on the water. For those of you who have known me for a while you know I said Id never get into a boat where I can lean over the side and touch the water. Oh well, he convinced me to get in and it was actually really fun. We didnt go very fast and it was nice looking at all the mutli million dollar houseboats along the coast (including the Sleepless in Seattle house). Wind in my hair, sun in my face, good conversation. FUN :)

After we dropped the boat off and after I got a very nice crash course on how boats worked (torque and jet propulsion and weight ratios) we hopped back on the bike and had dinner at Eastlake Bar and Grill. After dinner, it was getting pretty dark and cold (the crosswind going back over the floating bridge was INTENSE) and his face shield was tinted so we rode up to his apartment in M.I. and grabbed his car ("JP" if you're reading this, you have a very nice collection of motor vehicles hahaha) Then he took me home.

Today I got off work earlier than expected so I decided to take advantage of the sun. Since I was just gonna be in my backyard anyway, I put on this black bikini I haven't worn since I was in college...and holy crap IT FIT!!! I remember telling myself: See?? this is why you run!!! LOL . Then I figured since its getting pretty late and it didnt seem too hot and since I saw a bunch of white people in boats yesterday DARKER than me...Id really take advantage of the sun and get tanned. I should have known better than to slather myself with baby oil and sit out for an hour and a half...45 minutes each side...I broiled like bacon :( No I'm not burned but I'm kinda pink around the edges and itchy. Oh well, after it itches some more it should turn into a really nice tan. :)

So...countdown of new stuff:
-be a passenger on a bike 300cc's bigger than Im used to? CHECK
-experience a houseboat neighborhood? CHECK
-ride a "boat" where I can touch the water without barely even leaning over the side? CHECK
-getting into a bikini I havent been able to fit into for almost 3 years? CHECK

Next up:
-going faster than 6mph in the said "boat"
-learning how to snowboard...maybe

Bring it on!

In my head...

There's a very thin line between love and hate. I find myself straddling that line many times...one foot on either side...not knowing where to turn or who to talk to. Confused and frustrated. Forgive and forget but it is so much easier to do one than the other. There are times when even my own head and my ability to logic things out on my own can't help me and all those times lead to insomnia with no one but my own thoughts for company. I am glad to say that more often than not, my own will to be happy drags me out of the muck and within a few days Im back to my bubbly old self. This time...well, let's just say Im still waiting.

Since apparently a few of my friends can understand french Im not gonna bother ranting en francais here...but...*sigh*

~When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive~ --Alan Paton

Home...Finally!!!!

Ok...can I just start out by saying I have a new found appreciation for cops in general and WA State Patrol guys in particular? You would think that a blog posted on the 4th of July would be all about beach and sun and bar-b-q and fireworks right? Yeah...not so much.

On our way home from watching fireworks, cruising down the freeway feeling generally upbeat albeit scratchy and itchy from sun...when all of a sudden the van just stops. Stops...like stops running, all accesories off...STOPS. If you're counting that makes 3 of my family's cars incapacitated in a matter of 2 weeks. So my dad manages to pull it partly to the shoulder before it just stops moving and dies. At this point my dad is freaking out because 1/4 of the van's back end was still sticking into traffic. We were on the phone with our insurance company when a cop pulls up behind us concerned.


After explaining our situation, he helps us move more fully into the shoulder. He spent a few minutes fiddling around with a flashlight in our undercarriage and he determined that the reason we can't start the car was because our fuel line was leaking. He tried to reconnect it but both he and my dad couldnt fit under the car. He offered to call a tow truck for us but our insurance people had already started looking for one so we told him we would wait and he went on his way.

Half an hour and a few traffic pics to pass the time later, still no tow truck and the lady from Pemco Ins. kept telling us that they were having issues finding a truck who could fit 5 people in the cab because apparently it was illegal to tow a car with passengers inside...we called my uncle who owns a garage to see if he could pick us up but he wasn't answering. It was about this time that the second police car pulls up.

So again we explain our situation and after we accept his offer of finding us a towtruck, he says "well, you are in a hazard zone and are in danger of getting hit by someone so Im gonna go ahead and push you further up the road where the shoulder is wider so you're a little more safe while you wait for your towtruck". So you know those rubber bar things on the front of a police car? Well, now I know first hand how they are used!! Super cool! :) He pushes us at 45mph down the road about 5 blocks as he gave my dad instructions over the PA system. Once we were safely at an intersection (Dearborn and James exit on I-5 for you curious ones out there) he too was on his way.

15 minutes after the second cop left the tow truck finally comes...or so we thought. A towtruck pulls up in front of us...and then less than a minute later drives away. *shrug* I guess we weren't the only ones stuck that night and he mistook us for someone else. Half hour after that, OUR towtruck arrives. YAY! My dad goes out to meet him and after some weird hand gestures and chatting that I couldn't hear, I guess he convinces the driver to lift up our car just to see if my dad could reconnect the fuel line. From where I was sitting, the driver didnt look too convinced but I guess he finally gave in. My dad can be very convincing when he's running around all intense like that. So they lift the front of the car:


...and my dad (I guess) reconnects the hose and jumps back in the car. 2 seconds later I hear the "beautiful sound of engines starting"...hmmm, I seem to be saying that a lot lately huh? Anyway, the car starts. The towtruck driver lowers the car and drives off. Im sure he was relieved not to have to deal with my frantic father anymore. And we continue on our way.

Fun huh? :( Silver lining in this cloud is that I encountered 2 cops tonight and neither one of them was there to give me a ticket!!! :) Now that Im done with this blog...Im gonna go take a lukewarm shower, slather on some lotion on my suspiciously tight and itchy feeling skin, and pass out with hopes that I dont wake up as pink as a lobster tomorrow. G'night and Happy 4th y'all!!!

Mobile blog from hooked on a towtruck: the fuel line was unhooked. Car#3 is now back on commision. Can we make it home ok? Stay tuned... <~E>

Mobile blog from Dearborn exit: an hour and a half, 2 cop cars, 1 pushbar incident and still waiting for the tow truck. Stay tuned... <~E>

Mobile blog from I-5 shoulder: So question for you...how many weeks does it take for my family to incapacitate 3 cars? Stay tuned...

Quick Update and Haphazard Thoughts...

-I ran today, well more like I speed walked...just a couple miles, but since the last time I ran (oh, about 6 days ago) I've been ultra cautious. I barely even broke 3 miles that day and I woke up with a swollen knee again the next morning. Baby steps E...Baby steps. So far so good...

-Saw Wanted with Jay. He was in town for work and personal stuff. If any of you liked The Matrix or The Bourne Trilogies, then I strongly suggest going to see this movie. It's the wicked story line of Bourne coupled with Matrix worthy special effects...especially one scene about 15 minutes into the movie involving a red sports car and an interesting way to enter it *shivers* whew!!! Im still geeking-out about it! :P Got a little tanning in, a little exercise, sun and fun with friends...all in all a good way to spend the day.

-May not be able to go to Vancouver for a friend's bachelorette this month. Despite my usual tenacity in preplanning stuff and being organized, I neglected to check on my passport till a couple nights ago. Aparently it expired on my birthday. More bad luck = not being a US citizen so I have to send my stuff to San Francisco and the Philippine Embassy there along with a hefty $200 fee and a 2-4 week wait time. I checked to see if I could use just my permanent resident card and although that is proof enough to get back INTO the US from Canada, the Canadian Embassy "strongly suggests" I have a valid passport as well in order to enter it. I would just cross my fingers and head off to our northern neighbors with a green card and prayers but I'm too much of a wussy to risk being stuck at the border. I guess it's all a waiting game now.

-More fun coming this 4th of July weekend. Being out on the water...hopefully getting a little bit more of a tan to counteract my pasty-ness (for a filipina chick I've always been unusually pale). Last year we spent the independence day in the Philippines on vacation so needless to say there wasn't very much celebrating going on. Ok...there was NO celebrating going on. As far as people over there were concerned it was just another Tuesday. The American cousins and I were wishing each other a Happy 4th while our Filipino cousins were left to ponder whether they missed someone's birthday or anniversary. Fun stuff ;) Though to be honest with you if I had a choice Id rather spend my 4th back on Boracay beach, snorkeling with the fishes.

~Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time~ -- John Lubbock